Building Emotional Muscles: Simply Saying “ Thank You for the Feedback!”

Happy Friday and First Day of Summer Savvy Stylers and Substack Family.

As you have gleaned already, I tend to write from the lens of my Living Experiences and daily encounters. As a leader, I continually subordinate myself to learning, listening, growing, and seeking grace. I seek grace because personal leadership is about the willingness to see the alternative view, not believing in the illusion and trapping of perfectionism, and asking for forgiveness when words, actions, or deeds cause harm. This is where humility, not arrogance, is important.

Over 15 years ago, my colleague and I attended a life-changing workshop that was simply about building your Feedback Muscle by saying simply, “Thank you for the feedback!” Now, let me say that this is not a one, two, three process—rather, it takes years to build this capacity. But it’s also about doing your work on unhealed wounds through which feedback is often filtered.

So, in this Simply Saying Offering, I want to lift up 5 Thoughts that I would offer for consideration in building our Feedback Muscle.

1. Practice the Sacred Pause

Before responding to any feedback, give yourself permission to pause. This isn’t about buying time to craft a clever response—it’s about creating space between the words you hear and the meaning you assign to them.

In that pause, take a breath and ask yourself: “What did this person actually say?” Notice where your mind wants to go—toward shame, anger, or justification—and gently redirect your attention to the literal words spoken. This practice separates the feedback from your emotional reaction to it, allowing you to hear more clearly.

The sacred pause is a leadership superpower. It prevents reactive responses that can damage relationships and helps you model emotional regulation for your team.

2. Separate the Message from the Messenger

We often reject valuable feedback because of how it’s delivered or who delivers it. Someone’s tone might remind us of past criticism, or their communication style might feel harsh or insensitive. But feedback about your work or behavior can be accurate even when it comes wrapped in less-than-perfect delivery.

Challenge yourself to extract the core message while acknowledging that the delivery might need improvement. You might think: “The way this was communicated felt harsh, AND there might be something valuable here about my presentation style.”

Remember, you can address delivery issues separately from content issues. A simple “I appreciate the feedback about my presentation. In the future, could we discuss these observations privately?” allows you to receive the gift while also advocating for better communication.

3. Reframe Feedback as Intelligence Gathering

Instead of viewing feedback as judgment, approach it as data collection. You’re gathering intelligence about how your actions, decisions, or communication style impact others. This reframe shifts you from a defensive posture to a curious one.

Ask yourself: “What is this feedback telling me about the gap between my intent and my impact?” Sometimes we mean one thing, but our actions communicate something entirely different. Feedback helps us calibrate.

Great leaders are voracious learners who understand that their effectiveness depends on how others experience their leadership. Feedback becomes a compass, not a weapon.

4. Develop Your “Thank You” Reflex

Train yourself to respond to feedback with genuine gratitude before you do anything else. This doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything you hear, but acknowledging the courage it takes to give feedback honors the relationship and the person’s investment in your growth.

A simple “Thank you for sharing that with me” or “I appreciate you taking the time to give me this feedback” creates psychological safety for future conversations. When people feel heard and appreciated for their honesty, they’re more likely to continue offering insights that help you grow.

This practice also benefits you—it interrupts the defensive spiral and creates space for actual learning to occur.

5. Distinguish Between Your Worth and Your Work

Perhaps the most crucial emotional muscle to develop is the ability to separate feedback about your performance from judgments about your value as a person. When someone critiques your presentation, they’re not saying you’re worthless. When a team member suggests a different approach, they’re not questioning your intelligence.

Your inherent worth isn’t up for debate in feedback conversations. What’s being discussed is specific behaviors, decisions, or outcomes that can be adjusted, improved, or refined.

Remind yourself: “I am not my work. I am not my mistakes. I am a whole person who is learning and growing.” This internal narrative protects your sense of self while keeping you open to improvement.

The Leadership Invitation

Building these emotional muscles isn’t just about becoming better at receiving feedback—it’s about modeling the kind of leadership that creates psychologically safe environments where honest communication can flourish.

When your team sees you receiving feedback with grace and gratitude, they learn that growth conversations are safe. When they watch you separate messages from the messengers, they understand that good ideas can come from anywhere. When they observe you reframing criticism as intelligence gathering, they begin to see feedback as a gift rather than a threat.

The next time someone offers you feedback, remember: you have a choice. You can hear it through the lens of old wounds and defensive patterns, or you can build the emotional muscle to simply say, “Thank you for the feedback.”

That simple phrase—offered with genuine appreciation—might just be the most powerful leadership tool you never knew you had.

What emotional muscle are you ready to strengthen? How might your leadership change if you could receive feedback as the gift it’s meant to be?

Thank you for your feedback on this Simply Saying offering! What Say You? How do you give and receive feedback? Let’s keep the conversation going.

Simply yours,

Sharon

Dr. Sharon L. McDaniel, PhD, EdD, MPA

CEO | Entrepreneur | Executive Coach/ Mentor | Fashion and Beauty Creative | Philanthropist | Researcher | Author